Friend Shoots Friend For Taking Over Bed

Utah man lies in wrong bed; gets shot.  The Salt Lake Tribune

A Sandy man was charged Tuesday in 3rd District Court for assault, a second-degree felony for shooting his friend in the leg for lying in his bed the day after Thanksgiving, according to court documents.

The man became angry when the other man was lying in his bed at his house in Sandy. The two so-called friends fought and the bed owner asked the man to leave. As the man was leaving the house, the bed owner pointed a gun at the man and said, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t shoot you in the foot or shin,” according to the charges.

Despite a rationale approach, the offending friend could not convince his “friend” to not shoot.  Instead, he found himself a friend in an orthopaedic surgeon, who promptly repaired the gunshot wound to the leg, with a rod.

Moral of the story:  Avoid becoming a huge bed bug, lest the owner shoot, instead of shoo. 

See:

• http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/53014969-78/bed-according-owner-shin.html.csp

Playing The Piano For Blind Elephants

British man drags piano to top of mountain to serenade blind elephants.  Metro UK.  A gift to some behemoth mammals who apparently enjoyed it.

It happened in  Kanchanaburi, Thailand. 

‘It was a 50th birthday present to myself. My wife and I have been working with blind elephants for many years, and I thought it might be something they would enjoy to listen to.  

‘I had to drag the piano up a mountain – I have a really bad back, but I wanted to make the effort so I could feel like I had undergone a personal challenge.’ 

His next goal is to have a concert to raise funds for the animal sanctuary.   He will probably plan on playing more than Slow Movement 2 from Beethoven’s Pathetique Sonata at that time.

See:

• http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/882849-man-drags-piano-to-top-of-mountain-to-serenade-blind-elephants

Using The Doorway As An Excuse For Memory Lapse

Walking through doorways causes forgetting, new research shows.  Notre Dame News, from the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology.

“Entering or exiting through a doorway serves as an ‘event boundary’ in the mind, which separates episodes of activity and files them away,” Radvansky explains.

“Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it has been compartmentalized.”

Can’t wait for the legal eagles to use the Americans with Disabilities Act as the defense for anyone whose memory fails them for whatever monumental task lies just beyond a doorway.  Whether as a student, an employee, or a family member, a disability will be claimed for any of a variety of situations that evolve not so well.

Can you hear it now?

• I forgot all the answers to the bar exam because I crossed the door and entered the testing area. 
• I forgot the lines for my part in the upcoming action-packed movie blockbuster because I passed through the stage doors.
• My mind went blank when I started to sing the national anthem on live television, because I went through the doors at the stadium.
• I forgot how to do the surgery because I entered the operating room.
• I tripped after I could not remember to put my shoes back on once I passed through the TSA metal detector door.
• I forgot how to put the brake fluid back in the brake master cylinder because I walked through the garage doors.
• I forgot how to secure all the doors, entrances, and exits to the prison, when I walked in through the guard doors at work.
• After I walked into the master control room, I forgot how to turn off the nuclear reactor at the radiation plant. 
• I forgot all the cockpit buttons and gauges when it came time to land the jumbo 747.
• I did not turn the oven off because I walked out of the kitchen. 
• I could not remember how to perform after I crossed the threshold with my new spouse.
• I forgot I was supposed to pay for all my purchases at the department store because I walked through the store entrance.
•  
• I forgot how to calculate the drug amounts for that bag of IV medication.
• I just could not remember how to make change for that $100 bill as the cashier at work.
• I forgot the kids in the car because I got out of the car and closed the door.

See:

• http://newsinfo.nd.edu/news/27476-walking-through-doorways-causes-forgetting-new-research-shows/
• http://www.tandf.co.uk/journals/pp/02724987.html

Pie Plans

And so went the plans for the delicious pie.

“Pie I Will Be Eating: All of It.  Pie I have eaten versus pie I have not eaten.”
Image courtesy of http://graphjam.memebase.com/2011/11/24/funny-graphs-pie-i-will-be-eating-all-of-it/.

Down Under Seeks Top Position On Retail Package

Stumbling upon things in the most odd of places. 

Check your containers for Australian references from the bottom.

“Bottom of a Smoothie pack.  In Autralia, this would be the top.”
Image courtesy of http://imgur.com/DOA3n.

Beware Travelling Bed Bugs During The Holidays

Don’t let bedbugs come home for the holidays.  The Salt Lake Tribune. 

My.  If it isn’t difficult enough coping with the onslaught of people, descending down home for the holidays.  And landing in a hotel to bunker down elsewhere outside of your comfy zone. 

Beware the bed bugs!  They want a cozy place to lay their heads down too.   They are willing to travel and jump on connecting flights just like people.  Anywhere there is a bed and baggage, bed bugs will travel.   

Holiday travel gives the blood-sucking insects a chance to hijack your suitcase and clothes. 

Vermin.  They never seem to be content staying with their own kind.  They are watching you.  They await that moment to jump on the bandwagon and head off for new digs.  Equal opportunity too.

“We’ve always said it’s not a respecter of economic or social, ethnic background of any sort,”  

 So watch out. 

Some of her standard advice to anxious callers includes isolating the bed, adding a dustmite-proof mattress cover and regularly running the bed clothes in a hot dryer. A clean tuna fish can with half an inch of mineral oil should be put under each leg of the bed to essentially suffocate the bedbugs.

Tuna?  That will be great smelling that all night long.  Oil or water based?  It might invite some friendly cats though.  The TSA agents who sift through your baggage will be very understanding about why you are carrying tuna cans.  Just label the cans with a big black marker, “For Bed Bugs.”

But some humans may just be the perfect meal.  Bed bugs know their best victims.

A few weeks after Christine Van Damme and her family moved into a five-bedroom rental house in West Valley City last spring, her husband and brother-in-law noticed red, itchy bites on their arms and legs. The brother-in-law, staying in the guest bedroom, seemed to be suffering the most.

“For some reason they loved to snack on him,” she said.

“Tasty,” they likely said. 

See:

• http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/52940948-78/bedbugs-health-bed-department.html.csp

Thanksgiving 2011

Happy Thanksgiving to all. 

We have so much to be thankful for today.  As always.

Don’t let the feast overtake the meaning.

Funny Thanksgiving Video

November 1, 2007

Free Ranging Children Get Gold Medal Flour

The magnitude of it all.

The sheer joy.  For the children, of course.

Hat tip, McNorman.

FAMILY HOME DESTROYED BY AVALANCHE – CHILDREN TO BLAME

November 17, 2011

One Husband To The Highest Bidder In Utah Ad

Logan woman posts husband for sale on Craigslist.  The Salt Lake Tribune.

When people become obsessed with video games, it is like not being able to put a great book down.  So goes the story of a Utah wife, who put up the ad on Craigslist as a joke.  With the blessing of her mother-in-law. 

“I didn’t see him much at all. So one day I told him: ‘I am going to post you on Craigslist, you know,’ ” 

A veteran who served in Afghanistan, 22-year-old Kyle Bradley was so engrossed in “Modern Warfare” that he spent most of his day playing the game.

But would there be interested “shoppers?”

The ad describes Kyle Bradley as “easy to maintain, just feed and water every 3-5 hours.” It also warns purchasers they’ll need Internet service and space for gaming. It also says Alyse Bradley would trade her husband of two years for an acceptable replacement.

She received many responses alright.  Quickly.  A photo request.  A bag of Skittles.  A suggestion to use the free time for other things.  And even worry about the marriage.    

Kyle Bradley, who said he successfully finished the game within a few days, seems amused by his wife’s ad and notes that she encouraged his purchase of the game.

“I love my wife. She supported me when I got the game. We stayed until midnight to get the game when it first came out,” he said. “It’s just funny.”

A sense of humor. 

Keeping married couples together for eternity. 

See:

• http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/52956974-78/bradley-game-alyse-husband.html.csp 

A Few Tips For Families And Guests During The Holidays

They’re coming.  Soon.  To be near you.

Surviving the Relatives This Thanksgiving.  Fox.  The same can be said for Christmas, or any other time when the generations ritualistically converge upon the ancestral home or event to be with one another. 

Of course, I love seeing my family, but it’s exhausting and stressful whether you’re the holiday host or the guest. “I wish the holidays could be more of a vacation than an obligation,” sighed one young married woman flying across the country to visit her husband’s family. Your Mantra: it won’t be perfect. Not the food. Not the kids’ behavior. Not the adults’ behavior. We’re talking about family, after all. 

Helpful hints for hosts and guests.

• Put the priceless, fancy, expensive, or delicate objects of affection away.
• Throw covers over those lovely furniture pieces you just can’t bear to see stained by various activities.
• Have enough linens avaialble.
• Disposable plates and cups  will decrease wear and tear on the dish washer.  Human or machine. 
• Inflatable mattresses can be better than the floor for sleeping.
• Have a breadth of favorite beverages, snacks, and food on hand to keep everyone satiated.
• Share the bounty, and don’t be the one to drink or eat the last morsel of whatever everyone is enjoying.
• Buy enough toilet paper.
• Have extra toothbrushes and other toiletries on hand. 
• Keep the bathroom tidy with each use.  The floor is for walking unencumbered by clothing, water, or towels.
• Air out odors, or disguise with fresheners as needed.  Avoid gassing everyone.  Place putrid items in sealed bag and throw in trash.  Take trash out along the way.
• Pitch in doing the dishes or whatever other activity needs helping hands.    Don’t wait to be asked.
• Make a mess?  Clean it.
• You break it, you buy it.
• You borrow it, you replace it.  In clean and in as good or better condition. 
• You use it up, you replace it.
• “Please” and “Thank you” are always in vogue.
• Ill guests and hosts should keep a safe distance, and refrain from passing their affliction to others if possible. 
• Ask the host about bringing others well before arrival.  Never force it. 
• Acclimate to what is available, and do not demand accommodation to personal needs.  BYO… Bring your own… if need be.
• Don’t leave home without those personal special-needs or hard-to-find items. 
• Assign a special place for odd and assorted items that lose their owner, called “Lost and Found.”  Check carefully before departing. 
• Keep skeletons in closets.  Locked.  Especially after the spirits start being served.
• No secret cams or recordings.  Announce “photo op” with sufficient time to allow proper coiffing and positioning.  
• Knock on closed doors, or ask permission before entry. 
• Exercise volume control.  Often.
• Boasting and tall tales will be met with meticulous note-taking that will be recorded in the family annals, and distributed at next get-together, marraige, or funeral. 
• If pets are part of the get-together, feed, walk, and take them out to relieve themselves regularly.  Don’t expect everyone else to take on this responsibility.  Beware of those who sneak a forbidden treat.  Assign doody duty or the vet bill to violators.
• Do not taunt the animals.  Or humans.
• In the same spirit, the same could very well be said about parent’s responsibility of children.  Feed, water, nurture, and discipline accordingly.  This is not the job of the host or other family members or guests.  Spontaneity and love not-withstanding. 
• No free-ranging children.  Physically or emotionally. 
• Stash personal and very personal items away from discovering children or pets.  They may find themselves gnawed or quite visibly displayed for all to see and mock otherwise.  Ingested could be devastating.
• When the host goes to bed, do not awaken but for emergencies.  The host will repay in kind while the guests are still snoozing.  Bedtime is bedtime.  Turn off the lights. 
• Leave the emotional baggage at the door.  Forever.
• Respect each other. 
• Respect the house rules. 

Revisions will be in constant flux.  Have a great time!

And if this list is not clear enough, there are Helpful Rules for the House Guest, a.k.a. “House Manners for Morons.”  Associated Content/Yahoo. 

See:

• http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2011/11/18/surviving-relatives-this-thanksgiving/
• http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1763732/helpful_rules_for_the_house_guest.html?cat=7