Got Breast Milk?

“Do You Think You Could Ever Be This Happy Again?  Got Milk?”
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Always some new ideas to boost consumer consciousness about healthy foods, and of course respectful animal treatment.  Marketing ploy?  Or simple request?  PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has submitted a letter to the founders of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream requesting that they begin to substitute human breast milk into their ice cream in lieu of cow milk. 

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“Got Ice Cream?”
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Why, they make a convincing argument.  Of sorts. The animals sure could use a break.   Read the letter here.  Some updated highlights from WNBC New York.

I’d like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry’s.

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry’s replaced the cow’s milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.

The breast is best! Won’t you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow’s milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.

Hmmm.  A switcherooo?!?  Is this for real?  Let us ponder.

Save the milk for the calves.  That will sure make them happy.  And heavier once momma cow don’t have to share her white liquid stash with humans.

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WSFA in Montgomery uses some rather common sense to this and says,

Ben & Jerry’s responded with a statement reading: “We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child.

This little dude thinks so too.

“Family Guy’s Stewie – cloth diapered and breastfed baby”
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These folks claim it will make us all smarter.

“Breast milk is better for adult intelligence:study”
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Looks like kids have banded together on this topic.

“Breast Milk.  The Choice For A New Generation.  This PSA Brought To You By Breastfeeding Our Own Babies In Every”
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So much for the above arguments for breast milk.  So then, now to Logistics of this type of ice cream mass production.  There’s an awful lot of breast milk SOMEONE is gonna have to produce to keep up with Ben and Jerry’s favorites.  Imagine the number of mothers the factory will have lined up doing this for your ultimate and healthy ice cream pleasure.

“Breast Pumps”
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Some may wonder what the marketing strategy will be for this new breast milk-based ice cream.  The Straight Dope asks, So, what name would you give a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream made with human breast milk?

  • Torpor Beast says “Witch’s teat” sounds appropriate.
  • Drain Bead says Titty Fruitti?
  • Viridiana says I wonder if “Tale of Two Titties” would be too long… or perhaps melon is the best euphemism, since it supposedly tastes like melon juice? Hmm. I would actually try such an ice cream.
  • Nametag  says “Like Mother Used to Make”?
  • Pixilated says Sweet Mammories
  • ivan astikov says Momma’s Cream Delight.
  • SpecialAgentJem says Boobyscotch?
  • devilsknew says Ben & Jerry’s Booby Hatch- Double Cream, Real Vanilla, Mother’s Milk Icecream with a swirl of Nursery Nuggets and Frumunda Cheesecake.
  • Usram says Nipple Ripple
  • Half Man Half Wit says Everything I come up with sounds suspiciously like a porn title.  Maybe if they made regional flavours, one could be Breast Western? Ya know, cowgirls instead of cows… And not to derail the thread, but are those bozos serious? I mean, how are they even thinking B&J’s should acquire enough… donations/donors? Will there be machinated milking, or should they do it by hand? Somehow, both seems wrong.
  • Kalhoun says Knockers Knuklear
  • Tapioca Dextrin says Shouldn’t that be Pail of Two Titties?
  • kittenblue says Boob-a-licious.
  • lieu says D Cup Sup?  Mary Dairy
  • Hampshire says Grossey de Leche
  • lieu says  Areola Cola

Gee, this bovine milk happy fan just lost his gal. with those suggestions.

“Gastric revulsion 30 seconds after putting down a gallon of 2% milk.”
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Some folks may be thinking this is more their flavor, with regular cow milk.

“Got Milk?  Chocolate.”
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This cow suggests a brewski instead!  Cheers!

“Milk Sucks.  Got Beer?”
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4 responses to “Got Breast Milk?

  1. well things are getting stranger in the modern days..

  2. Hi Q. Don’t know how I missed this one…glad I ran into it today. I give it a Grade A!


  3. thetownecrier

    Thanks P! Just hard to believe that PETA could actually have requested a potential breast milk based ice cream “treat” for the public. Ben and Jerry’s didn’t think it would have been a big seller obviously. Like the guy in the above image with gastric revulsion. Snicker.

  4. Bleck, this entire post made me sick. And PETA is riddled with sadists and psychopaths, I’m convinced of it. As for the IQ thing, I must admit I was a bottle fed baby so I will leave the assessment of my IQ to you. Heh. I wouldn’t have known whether I was breast fed or bottle fed unless I asked. Because, um……I really don’t remember either way. Snort.

    Seriously though,I’m convinced that IQ is more a product of genetics more than anything, unless the child is chewing on lead.

    Anyways, glad I didn’t eat before I read this.