Daily Archives: March 6, 2010

Why Women Should Not Take Men Shopping

Email in circulation.



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.  Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred  to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from  the local Target store… 

Dear Mrs. Samuel, 
Over the past six (6) months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both  of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are  listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 

  1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s  carts when they weren’t looking. 
  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the  women’s restroom.  
  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave  her  assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn  resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing  the company money. 
  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 
  6. August 14: Moved ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area. 
  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from  the bedding department to which twenty (20)children obliged. 
  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called. 
  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 
  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the  ‘Mission Impossible’ theme. 
  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.  
  13. October 18: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he shouted, “PICK ME! PICK ME! ME! PICK ME!’ 
  14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!” 
  15. And last, but certainly not least:  October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then  yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks  passed out. 

If you don’t send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your property taxes
 will go up, your stocks will go down, and your middle will spread! (How’s
 that for a curse?) What? It’s already come true? Then send it anyway–you’ve
 got nothing to lose!

“The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.”   Allan K. Chalmers.  Wisdom Quotes.